Year end leadership retrospectives — Let the pull of the future help you learn from the past.

I asked AI (Chat GTP3.5) to rewrite my post on EOY leadership retrospectives. Here is my original unedited 1st draft:

Hello October and welcome to Q4.

This is the time we we rush to finish projects before the end of year holiday season. We hurry to spend “use it or loose it” budget dollars. We begin planning the coming year.

As the year comes to a close we should also take the time to look backend reflect on the past year. To leverage learning a formal facilitated retrospective is recommended. A leadership team retrospective can last from a few hours to several days. The sweet spot being a day long event with deliberate actionable followup.

Although the purpose of a leadership retrospective is to review the past, it best to not to start the retro looking backward. Instead the retrospective should start with two specific questions: “Why are we here,” and “Where are we going?”

Retrospectives traditionally start by asking about the past: what went wrong, what went well, what do we want to change, start, or stop. These are important questions to answer, but by starting by looking backward we become anchored to the past. Looking back biases our thinking toward the way we have always done things and enforces resistance to new ways of behavior and forward thinking.

When we ask, why are we here, we set the stage for learning, growth, and alignment. When we understand we are here to reflect on the past in order to to move forward, we level-sets the conversation. This is also an opportunity to get everyone on the same page playing from the same playbook for the betterment of the leadership team and the organization.

The next question to address is future facing, “Where are we going?” Clarifying our goals and direction allows the future to pull us forward as we reflect on the past. This prevents the past from pulling us backward. Now as we reflect we can look at the past with an eye on the future. We ask reflective questions attached to future outcomes, for example; dit the way we meet past challenges hinder or help us move toward the desired future state? If our response was negative how can we adjust our behavior to align with our future self. This line of questioning requires us to acknowledge and accept who we are today (real-identity) before we can begin moving forward to meet our future self (ideal-identity).

The Paradoxical Theory of Change state we must become who we are not who we are not. Retrospectives allow us to discover our current self and learn from the past in order to move forward to the future we want.

Need help facilitating your retrospective? I coach leadership teams by bringing the past and future into alignment with the present.


Here is the output from the AI rewrite:


🚀 Embrace the Power of Year-End Leadership Retrospectives 🚀

Greetings, Visionaries of Change,

As October ushers in the final quarter of the year, it’s time to set our sights on the horizon and let the pull of the future ignite our journey through the past. While we may be racing to complete projects and allocate those “use it or lose it” budget dollars, it’s equally essential to prepare for what lies ahead.

In the mad rush towards year-end, it’s easy to forget the profound wisdom that comes from introspection. That’s why I urge you to pause, to reflect, and to embrace the transformative potential of a formal, facilitated leadership retrospective.

Imagine a day dedicated to sculpting the future, a day where leaders unite to chart a course towards excellence. This isn’t your average stroll down memory lane; it’s a purposeful, forward-thinking voyage that can span from a few hours to a full day, armed with actionable follow-ups.

But here’s the twist: we don’t begin by gazing into the rearview mirror. No, our retrospective begins by piercing through the fog of tradition and habit with two potent questions: “Why are we here?” and “Where are we going?”

“Why are we here?” — a question that unfurls the canvas of possibility. It sets the stage for enlightenment, growth, and alignment. We’re here to unearth the gems of the past and leverage them for our journey into the unknown. This is the moment to rally our team around a common vision, a playbook designed to elevate not just us but our entire organization.

And then comes the future, beckoning us with “Where are we going?” Clarity emerges as we define our goals and direction. The future becomes a magnetic force, pulling us forward while our retrospective reflects on the past. No longer captive to history’s grasp, we now examine the past with a view to the future. We inquire about the past’s influence on our future, asking questions that demand self-reflection: Did our past actions hinder or propel us toward our future aspirations? If the answer tilts towards the negative, how can we reshape our behaviors to synchronize with our ideal selves?

This process forces us to confront our current identity before we can evolve into our future selves. It embodies the Paradoxical Theory of Change, compelling us to become who we aspire to be, not who we were.

Year-end leadership retrospectives aren’t just about reminiscing; they are the crucible where we mold our present into the vessel of our future desires. They are the compass that guides us through the uncharted waters of transformation.

If you find yourself needing guidance in this transformative journey, remember that I am here to support you. Together, we can bridge the gap between the past and the future, creating alignment in the present.

In the quest for leadership excellence, let us march boldly into the future, leaving behind the weight of the past, driven by the unwavering vision of what lies ahead. 🚀🌟 #LeadershipExcellence #YearEndRetrospectives #FutureLeadership


Whichever version you prefer, the point is, the best leadership teams leverage the past and are pulled by the future. I look forward to hearing about your leadership team retrospectives.


too deep too fast

too deep too fast - why coaches go to supervision

Caution for coaches

Be careful not too go to deep too fast.

In Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings the wizard Gandalf tells the tale of the what happened when the dwarves of Moria got greedy. They dug too fast too deep. In their haste, they released the Balrog, a demon of fire and shadow.

“[A] coach who is at the same developmental stage as their coachee will not be able to help them get to the next stage, and a coach at a lower stage of development than their coachee may actually impair progress.” ~ Otto Laske

If we are too go deep with our client we must first learn to go deep within ourself. We must develop the ability to face what lies within before we ask our clients to dig deep and unearth what is hidden there.

Depth is but one direction. We can also expand in breadth, or height. Knowing how far to go in any direction is mastery of our art.

#agile #agilecoaching #selfawareness #coachingskills

A Timeline of Psychological Safety:

 Looking backwards A Timeline of Psychological Safety:

1999 - Amy Edmondson (Psychological Safety and Learning Behavior in Work Teams) is credited with popularizing the term to mean an absence of interpersonal fear. She defines Team psychological safety as a shared belief that the team is safe for interpersonal risk-taking.

1965 - Edgar Schein and Warren Bennis (Personal and Organizational Change via Group Methods) introduce the importance of psychological safety as group phenomenon that reduces a person’s anxiety about being accepted and worthwhile. Providing an atmosphere where one can take chances without fear and with sufficient protection.

1952 - Carl Rodgers (Toward a Theory of Creativity) elaborated the role of psychological safety with three associated processes:

  1. Accepting the individual as of unconditional worth.

  2. Providing a climate in which external evaluation is absent.

  3. Understanding empathically. It is this which provides the ultimate in psychological safety, when added to the other two.

To foster a shared belief that risk-taking is safe requires unconditional acceptance, non-judgement, and most importantly empathetic understanding. This is true as much for one-on-one interaction as it is for group learning and team performance.

My specialty is taking clients out of the confines of the office as we walk in the woods to grapple with life's hard questions.

For the leadership journey - The Nature of Leadership

For navigating midlife transitions - Walking the Forest Path

#leadership #selfawareness #natureconnection #midlife #agile

New Coaching Offering

I am promoting my new webpage Walking the Forest Path: Navigating Midlife Transitions.

I am expanding my coaching practice beyond the leadership realm to address the many challenges faced by those navigating midlife. 

Some unique physical, psychological, and social challenges of midlife include:

  • Finding purpose

  • Leaving a legacy

  • Preparing for retirement

  • Financial security

  • Health and mortality

  • Career and job satisfaction

  • Aging parents

  • Growing children

  • Identity and self worth

  • Maintaining relationships

  • Making new friends

I offer both traditional coaching and Nature-based walk-and-talk options.

To visit the first draft of my new page see the Forest Path

I still offer Leadership coaching for leaders of all ages.

My specialty is taking clients out of the confines of the office as we walk in the woods to grapple with life's hard questions.

I provide leadership coaching and work with midlife transition.

#leadership #selfawareness #natureconnection #midlife 

Walking the Forest Path

Traditional coaching and Nature-based walk-and-talks exploring new perspectives and possibilities as we navigate midlife transitions.

What future will you build?

These are your pieces. What future will you build?

Coaching leaders through a reflection of their year allows them to collect and sort the material needed to build a vision of the future. Having a model of the vision shows the stepping stones along the path as well as any missing pieces.

What future will you build?

when leaders and leadership teams are grappling with the hard questions

The Nature of Leadership - A journey to resilience

#leadership #resilience #selfawareness #stressmanagement #alignment

Executive Burnout might be hiding something deeper 

Leading into the future

Leading into the future

During the pandemic, Executive Burnout has shifted into high gear. The extra strains of the pandemic including unclear expectations, pressure to perform in a time of uncertainty, lack of control, increased workload, and poor work / life balance all contribute to an environment of increased stress. The continual build up of stress leads to emotional exhaustion turning into chronic stress. Chronic stress becomes Burnout.

Clues you may be experiencing Executive Burnout

Burnout often shows up as a combination of two or more of the most common symptoms; anxiety, detachment, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, and uncharacteristic mood shifts. Burnout can manifest physically as; exhaustion, headaches, stomach / digestive issues, difficulty sleeping, malaise, and increased general illness.

Burnout can usually be quickly diagnosed, but what if what we recognize as burnout is actually a deeper issue. The pandemic has brought attention to Executive Burnout and made it easier to discuss openly. The same cannot be said about another condition we often label as Executive Burnout - Existential Crisis. 

In my coaching practice working with leaders I see more clients asking for coaching to address burnout that seems to be showing up a bit different than what we traditionally labeled as burnout. Some discovery reveals a struggle finding meaning or purpose in work and sometimes in life. There is often a conflict between espoused values and the way we act. When we ask for meaning the answer seems to be an echo from the void. The question “why” appears to be unanswerable. Overwhelmingly there is a desire for something more - more understanding, more meaning.

Existential crisis or existential dread has often been attributed to a dramatic loss or change. There is often an event or tramua that causes one to question meaning, purpose, and even mortality. For some the pandemic has brought loss; loss of employment, loss of connection, and in extreme cases loss of a loved one from COVID. But it is the prolonged uncertainty and perceived (or actual) loss of control that seems to be contributing to the rise of existential questioning amongst leaders. This is a new phenomenon for most of us and especially for leaders looking for a path through uncertainty. A return to normal seems to be a paradox, as normal is the path that brought us here. Instead we must ask, “how do we move forward?” 

If you are in the throws of existential questioning, I can assure you you are not alone. There is hope.

First, where possible, reduce stress creating inputs. Take care of your health. And most important build and strengthen connections with others. A good leadership or executive coach is an ally in moving through this phase. It may be time to open up to some alternative approaches including altering your routine to include time in nature and connecting with loved ones. (A cautionary note: coaching is not therapy. If you remain in a downward spiral, are experiencing sever depression and/or anxiety, or are having sducidal thoughts please seek help from a mental health professional.)

Many clients are combining traditional and nature-based coaching activities along with some simple lifestyle tweaks allowing them to not only embrace but also leverage current challenges and find new value in living a fulfilled life as a leader. 

You got this!



Midlife is not a crisis.jpg

The Nature of Leadership - A journey to resilience.  https://goo.gl/LEWUhV

I work with leaders and leadership teams who want to create the workplace of tomorrow today.

I also work with professionals who want to find more value and fulfillment as they embrace the second half of life.

#leadership #resiliency #leadershipdevelopment #selfawareness #stressmanagement #executivecoaching #leadershipcoaching #conflictmanagement #delegation #teamcoaching #teamdevelopment 

a surreal instant

there is an instant 
a surreal quality 
when the lighting is just so 
when the silence is noticeable 

when whirlwinds of chaos offer no direction 
and normal is questionable at best 

to lead in this time 
to lead through this time 
to lead into the future

a new leadership model is emerging 
teams of leaders 
co-creating 
a shared vision 
a new way 
a new world


I work with leaders and leadership teams wanting to create the workplace of tomorrow today. 
co-creating  
a journey to resilience 

(in response to the current crisis - all leadership and team coaching is currently virtual)

a surreal quality.jpg

Best books I read in 2019

In 2019 I challenged myself to see how many books I could finish in 1 year.

I finished book 199 (Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn) just before midnight New Years eve.

Here are the titles that were worth my time - Ordered by date read

1. Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer

2. The Coddling of the American Mind by Greg Lukianoff, & Jonathan Haidt

3. The Earth Has a Soul by C.G. Jung,  Meredith Sabini 

4. Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

5. One Last Talk by Philip McKernan

6. Orbiting the Giant Hairball by Gordon MacKenzie

7. Range by David Epstein

8. Reboot by Jerry Colonna

9. Sitting in the Fire by Arnold Mindell

10. The Thin Book of Trust by Charles Feltman

11. 7 Rules for Positive, Productive Change by Esther Derby

12. Chief Joy Officer by Richard Sheridan

13. Dynamic Reteaming by Heidi Helfand

14. The Deep Democracy of Open Forums by Arnold Mindell

15. The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

If you want to see my entire reading list follow me on goodreads.com

Mirror, Mirror

Mirror, Mirror…

(reflection and/or reflection)


Reflection: 1. throwing back without absorbing. 2. serious thought.

Mirror Mirror.jpg

The practice of reflection is one of the core competencies and responsibilities of coaching. 

Observe, hold up the mirror, reflect, and ask “what do you see?”


Reflecting back, to your client / team, done well is a powerful tool for shifting perspective and creating awareness.

But what happens when the mirror you hold up is not true? What if the mirror is warped like those in a carnival funhouse distorting your reflection?

Is the mirror you are holding up clean and polished? Or is it obscured by layers of dust and grime? Is the angle of the mirror true or off-axis?

Mirrors can be warped by the weight of personal beliefs. Fear of going deeper may cause a refraction of the truth instead of a reflection. If we are not attentive it is easy to nudge the angle of incidence out of square.

It is the responsibility of the coach to ensure the reflecting mirror is true. We can do this by enlisting the second definition of reflection and evoking serious thought or deep self-reflection to attain Self-Awareness.

Deep reflection activities that inspire self-awareness may include:

  • Examining beliefs that may influence or bias your perspective.

  • Questioning who’s agenda you are serving, yours or the client’s?

  • Asking if you have the skills, and courage, necessary to go deeper in the exploration process.

Tools to help keep your mirror true include:

  • Reflection through journaling.

  • Practicing non-judgement with mindfulness.

  • Asking for thoughtful feedback from others.

Self-development is not selfish; it is selfless. However, the hard work of self-development is best not done alone. The most powerful resource for practicing deep reflection is with the guidance of a professional coach or coaching supervisor. A coach will listen openly and reflect back - uncovering the layers obscuring awareness. A supervising coach will provide unbiased feedback on how you are showing up as a coach. They will help you practice the skills that will move you forward on your journey. A coach will work with you to polish your mirror and assure it is true.

It is the practice of deep reflection that will allow you to be the mirror of truth for your clients and teams.

Are you ready to embark on the journey of deep reflection?

Let’s start the journey together. Visit Coaching Supervision for Agile Coaches to learn more.

Because we all deserve someone who will listen.

#agile #agileleadership #agiletransformation #agilecoaching #agilecoach #agilemindset #resiliency #selfawareness

- why I coach


furloughed workers

Colorado Front Range

If you are a federal center furloughed worker and would like someone to just listen, I am happy to meet you for coffee or a walk along the creek. #leadership #selfawareness #coaching #stressmanagement

- the Nature of Leadership

morning walk

If you are a federal center furloughed worker and would like someone to just listen, I am happy to meet you for coffee or a walk along the creek.

- the Nature of Leadership

Where are you?

Do you ever stop to consider where you are at any given moment? When we take the time to ask we open ourselves to 3 possibilities.

  1. Recognizing the moment followed by shrugging it off and returning to whatever we were preoccupied with in the moment before. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
  2. Wishing we were somewhere else. Except in fairytales wishing alone does not change our circumstance. However, longing combined with deliberate effort can make our wishes come true. The next time you find yourself wishing for something ask, “what is one thing I can do to move me toward what I want?” Then the next, and the next… With persistence your wish can come true.
  3. Carpe diem! Take this opportunity to make the most out of this moment. A nudge of perception can present a wealth of possibilities. This may translate as a zen moment or a flash of brilliant inspiration. Regardless of how it shows up, seize it! Sit with it or run with it. Make this moment your own.

Where are you now?

- why I coach

3oiymgdkj6k-dariusz-sankowski.jpg

Forming to High Performing

Recent reports suggest only 10 percent of teams earn the title of High Performing.

To move through and beyond Tuckman’s theory of team development to become a high performing team requires some deliberate shifts in mindset.

The transitions between each stage of Tuckman’s theory present opportunities for groups to fail on their journey to becoming a team.

Moving from team formation into the storming phase requires deliberate and clear communication. Without communication the storming phase becomes a fatal graveyard for teams. When teams practice open communication storming leads to creative energy that can propel the team forward.

To move out of storming and on to normalization requires team members to cooperate. Cooperation leverages the energy of storming to create a new stable working model - teamwork. Lack of cooperation maintains a downward cycle of storming.

With a solid foundation of teamwork in the norming phase the team can now move to the performing stage through collaboration. Collaboration allows performing teams to deliver on their goals.

Performing is where most teams get stuck and eventually performing teams satisfied with just performing slowly begin to slide. Undetectable at first the slide quickly reaches terminal velocity and without intervention critical failure.

To avoid the just performing trap and climb to the top 10 percent of high performing teams, teams must learn to co-create. Co-creation is the hallmark of a truly high performing team. 

I’ll discus the quantum leap from high performing to the 1% ultra high performing team in a later post.

  • Communication - sharing knowledge
  • Cooperation - operate together (work with)
  • Collaboration - achieve together
  • Co-Creation - create together
Tuckman.png

Book Recommendation

Recently I received a text from a friend asking for a book recommendation.

At the beginning of the year I set a goal of getting through 120 books. Although that is a lot of books, what you need to know is that I am dyslexic. Reading one book per month is a challenge. Reading is work so I rarely read for enjoyment. I do love to learn so I read mostly for knowledge. 

Still 120 books? What made this goal even remotely possible is the ability to listen to audio books at a faster playback speed and I could listen while driving. I also loaded my iPad with e-books and keep a stack of physical books nearby. Although most of the books I finished were audio books about 15% were print (kindle or bound). The longest book, How Emotions Are Made, was 448 pages. The average page count was 234. Not included in the 120 books are several books I started but could not finish; some were just bad, others boring, and a few I put down because they are difficult to digest and I keep coming back to them because there is value in there.

My interest grew wider this year. My list covered business, leadership, sales, coaching, psychology, philosophy, nature, ecco-therapy, nutrition, health, adventure, autobiographies etc. There were books I couldn’t wait to finish and ones I did not want to end.

So how did I answer the request for a recommendation of what to read. My reply text went like this:

I am one book short of hitting my goal of 120 books this year. I have multiple books in progress and will finish at least one to hit my goal. That said, I am now of the opinion there is very little original thinking out there. I see the same material referenced again and again with no new contribution.  Nothing I read dramatically changed my life or my thinking. Although each book may have contributed a micro nudge combining to affect my course.  So instead of looking for the next big thing or the perfect book to save your life, I would recommend finding a book you will enjoy sitting with, and one that will sit with you for a long time.

I will continue to add to my column of books finished, but I will not be setting such an ambitious reading goal for 2018. I think I will add some classics to the list this year.

Refrain then Reframe

When meeting someone new we often ask, or are asked, what do you do? Usually implying or interpreted as, what do you do for work (to make a living)? And often answered affirming, “I am a (_title_).” A more accurate answer might define the activities that fill our day. Of course if we want better answers we need to ask better questions. 

Try reframing the context. How often do you ask yourself, “what do you do?” I’m guessing not often. Try it. Do you self-affirm your title or role?

Now try reframing the question, “how do you spend your time / energy?” Does this question take you by surprise? Sit with the question for a bit; really examine your activities. Does your answer for how you spend your energy deplete or revitalize your energy? How might you reframe your answer?

When we reframe we shift our perspective and allow for greater possibilities.

Reframe the question

Reframe problems as opportunity

Reframing allows us to renegotiate our mental models

- why I coach

Compassion and Leadership

Emotional Intelligence (EQ), the capacity to recognize emotions in oneself or others, is the prominent buzzword in today's leadership development circles. Empathy is often the fallback stance equated with EQ. Empathy may allow one to sense, or feel, the condition of another, but it does not inspire action. Compassion, not empathy, drives meaningful connection resulting in action to help others move forward. Compassion is empathy in motion.

Compassion is achieved through self-awareness. Greater self-awareness results in greater compassion. Greater compassion creates action resulting in forward movement.

Leader know thyself.

http://www.lennienoiles.com/coaching-2/

- why I coach

 

on being still

How boring

how boring to listen as waves crash upon the shore

how boring to watch a joyous child at play

how boring to be still while an Osprey dives to secure its dinner

how boring to witness the sun sink away in the distance

how boring to walk in the woods with no destination of journeys end

how boring to stare into the eyes of love

how boring to hold the hand of aging friend

how boring to be with oneself

How boring indeed

 

Asking for Feedback

Ask  -  Listen  -  Act

There is a lot of good (and some not so good) advice out there on how to deliver feedback and advice. But have you ever stopped to think about how to ask for and to receive feedback?

Knowing how to ask for feedback is often a missing leadership skill. A skill that may be even more important than knowing how to deliver feedback. When we practice asking for feedback we are building the leadership capacity of self-improvement and self-awareness. Good feedback provides new perspective and objectivity, along with a path to action.

Most people are happy to provide their opinion and to offer advice. Asking is an easy skill to master. Learning how to receive the feedback is a bit more challenging. So lets start there.

(To clarify, my intention is to discuss how to ask for and receive feedback rather than engaging in conversation; although, most of this can be utilized in a discussion format too.)

Often when we are on the receiving end of feedback, constructive criticism, advice, difficult conversations, etc., our lesser self thinks we are being attacked. The natural or human reaction is our default, which is a defensive posture, which could manifest as:

  • resistance
  • denial
  • shutting down
  • blaming
  • argument
  • defiance
  • excuse making
  • judgment of the messenger
  • plotting revenge
  • defensiveness
  • stop listening

All this boils down to missing an opportunity to receive.

What if, instead, we treated feedback as a gift and opened ourselves to graciously receive. How do we respond with gratitude and show appreciation? We say, “thank you.”

“Wait, what? I was just handed a shit sandwich, and you expect me to be grateful?”

See how quickly we resort to our default – defensiveness? Yes, I am advocating gratitude. However, this first requires us to believe that the giver actually has our best interest at heart. Most people who offer feedback or advice are truly trying to help. Especially true if asked for input. Asking for feedback from people we respect usually makes this a non-issue.

Once we check our assumption at the door, we listen. Really listen. Pushing aside all reactions to take in what is being said. Listen to understand. Don’t listen to respond because you don’t get to respond when you ask to receive the gift of feedback. You simply listen, and openly receive. After listening – reply with gratitude.

You may find yourself having a reaction to what you are hearing. If so, take a mental note of what was said along with the emotion it stirred. Park it, and continue listening. Plenty of time to reflect later. If during the feedback you truly do not understand something, you can ask one or two questions, but no more than two, clarifying questions. Only to clarify what is being said, not to engage in a conversation or rebuttal. Another way to seek clarity is to ask for an example. Specifically a set of contrasting examples, for instance: “when did I exhibit this in a positive way, when did I do this in a way that could have been improved?” The best way to gain clarity may be with a simple open-ended question, “can you go into more detail?”

Listen then respond with gratitude. When we practice deep listening without reacting, we build the leadership capacity of self-regulation (the ability to control behavior, emotions, and thoughts).

The How

Now let’s back up to how we request feedback. A confident leader may ask for feedback when they want new insight, a fresh perspective, or expert advice. An insecure leader may view asking for feedback as a weakness. A strong leader knows the vulnerability of asking develops Emotional Intelligence. Regularly asking for feedback builds leadership strength. Asking for honest feedback requires self-confidence. Excessively asking for or seeking approval is not the same as asking for feedback and suggests lack of confidence.

Here are some considerations when soliciting feedback:

  • Get specific about what you want feed back on and why you want it. 
  • You can’t change the past so ask about the future.
  • Who can provide you with valuable insight? This may be one individual or several people. Think outside your normal circle of comfort.
  • Be cognizant of how much time you are asking for. Is a two sentence off the cuff response sufficient, or are you asking for a substantial investment of time?
  • Be clear that you are seeking honest feedback.

A simple example:

You want feedback on your presentation skills (what) so that you can improve (why) your delivery (future).

You admire the way Pat (who) presents. You are asking for a few pointers, which should take less than five minutes (time).  

The conversation might go like this:

How to ask: 

“Pat, I admire the way you deliver presentations. I want to improve my presentation style. Would you be comfortable giving me feedback on how I might improve going forward?” Pat encourages you to focus more on the content of the message and less on the use of visuals.

Default mode to receiving feedback: 

Your ego hears this as an attack. It has a big investment in the creation of the visuals. You spent a lot of time and effort getting things just right. Carefully choosing the colors. The typeface. Meticulously aligning text and graphics. 

New way to receive feedback:

You take note of the emotional reaction – and park it. 

You continue to listen as Pat explains the needs of the audience and what you want them to take away from the presentation. 

When Pat finishes, you graciously express your gratitude saying, “Thank you. I appreciate your advice and your time”

 

Asking for and receiving feedback. Check!

Action

But wait! There’s more.

Now that you have received feedback, what are you going to do with it?

Nothing says thank you more than seeing action. The feedback process is not complete until action is taken. Taking action may be simple. Or it may be a long and involved process, such as changing old habits or beliefs. If you are asking for feedback, the expectation is you are going to act on it. Action is where leaders build character.

But what happens if you don’t agree with the advice you receive? Not everyone gives good, objective advice. When this happens, check if the advice is valid and if you are resisting, then act accordingly. Seek additional input. If you are getting similar feedback, reconsider your perspective. If the feedback still does not sit well, be gracious and thank them for their advice. You may want to follow up with them later to let them know you considered their advice, and why you chose a different direction.

If you want feedback – ask for it. Be prepared to be on the other end of the question and learn how to give valuable feedback, too.

What feedback will you ask for today?

  1. Ask
  2. Listen (without judgment)
  3. Act

- why I coach

Accountability Partner

Who are you giving an account to?

I was doing a check-in with my accountability partner the other day and after summarizing what I was asking of him, I reflected, “that feels like a lot.” He responded, “You are only asking me to follow-up and check-in on your progress. You are the one who has to do the work.”

Bingo!

I have some hard work ahead of me. Asking someone to hold me accountable does not make the work easier – it keeps me motivated and honest about what is important and what I will commit to do.

What is an accountability partner, and why would you want one (or more)?

I have several accountability partners. My primary accountability partner is a friend who has agreed to fill the role, and I do the same for him. My coaches hold me accountable to the commitments I make in coaching sessions. Additionally, I will enlist others when there is a need for a specific expertise or experience. 

Accountability partner: someone who helps another person establish and keep a commitment.

An accountability partner will nudge you when you need a little push to achieve your goals. Your partner will help you break big goals down into actionable steps and follow up with you to see if you met your commitments while cheering you on. They will push you when you need pushing and provide encouragement when you are down.

Accountability: being accountable, to account for, the ability to give an account

I was at lunch recently with a friend. While discussing some challenges, I mentioned I leveraged an accountability partner to help me drive toward success. She asked how that worked; stating she tried working with an accountability partner, but it did not have any impact. She explained, “I asked a friend to be my accountability partner on something, they agreed, and nothing ever happened.”

Although anyone can be an accountability partner, not everyone makes a good accountability partner.

When asking someone to hold you accountable, the responsibility is on you to be specific about what you need. It is important to work together to design the partnership. Your agreement might include:

  • What is the specific action for which you want to be held accountable (do what, by when)?

  • Is your partner comfortable with and able to meet the request?

  • How do you want your partner to follow-up or check-in (will you proactively report or will they initiate)?

  • How often and how will you connect?

  • What happens if you do not make your commitments? How would you like your partner address this?

  • Are you asking for help other than a followup? 

Clarifying expectations upfront will go a long way to determining your success and reducing some awkward situations. I’m guessing you do not want your accountability partner to be a nag or micro-managing busybody. If your partner senses you are making excuses do you want to be called out? And how do you want to be called out?

Traits of a good accountability partner:

  • You can be open with them

  • They will be brutally honest

  • They are reliable

  • They will challenge you

  • They support your success

As a coach, my clients expect me to hold them accountable. Like a coach, the right accountability partner will ask about your bigger goal: Your intent. Your why. They will help you break down that big goal into doable actionable steps. They will question if you are biting off too much or not pushing hard enough. They will be your champion rooting for you and celebrating your success. They will nudge you when you get off track and help you focus on what you deemed important.

Regardless if your accountability partner is your coach, your mentor, your friend; much of the success of having an accountability partner is attributed to human nature. Knowing I will make an account of my progress on a commitment to a friend is enough to motivate me to complete my task. We are less likely to disappoint another person than we are to let down ourselves.

What do you want to be held accountable for?

Who will you give account to?

 

- why I coach